Bad Habit #1: Boring conversations and tired dialogue
Everyone likes to think that their partner cares about their day, so questions like “How was work?” tend to become a staple of most couples’ conversations. Unfortunately, this gets old fast. Instead of asking the same old questions, why not try a more original approach such as “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today?” or “What have you been reading lately?”
Bad Habit #2: Failing to express your needs
In an ideal world, our partners would be able to read our minds and grant our every wish without prompting. In reality, it is up to you to let your significant other know what you need from them, whether it’s reassurance about your appearance or a few more hugs every evening.[1] Just because you have to provide a bit of guidance doesn’t mean that the reward is any less valuable. Never expect your partner to be psychic, as they will only resent you when inevitably they fail to meet your needs and you become irritated as a result.
Bad Habit #3: Failing to plan for serious discussions
Charging into a sensitive conversation without properly considering the points you wish to make is a recipe for disaster, tension, and prolonged conflict. Instead, try writing down your thoughts beforehand.[2] This will help you remain calm even in the face of difficult conversations and will improve the quality of communication between you and your partner. Journaling about your emotions or just writing them down as a list can help you remain focused on the problem at hand rather than taking your sadness, anger or jealousy out on the other person.
Bad Habit #4: Trying hard to solve the conflicts before sleep
We’ve all heard the saying, “Don’t let the sun set on an argument.” Whilst this piece of advice is well-intentioned, the truth is that many arguments between couples often seem much more manageable after both people have had a good night’s sleep. When you find yourself snapping at your partner after a long day’s work or fighting over a relatively trivial issue in the evening, suggest that you both go to bed and resolve the matter in the morning.
Bad Habit #5: Speaking ill of your partner behind their back
It can be tempting to talk to your friends whenever your partner causes you stress. If you are in an abusive relationship or are concerned about your partner’s mental health, reaching out can be the most appropriate course of action. However, (if you aren’t in an abusive relationship) as a general rule, you should be talking about your relationship problems with your partner rather than other people[3]. This is because badmouthing your partner lessens the respect you have for them. You are unlikely to feel positive about your relationship if you spend a lot of time complaining about it. These five bad habits can quickly undermine a relationship, but they are easy to overcome once you commit to increasing your self-awareness and examining how you behave towards your partner. Relationships are not always easy, but if you are prepared to put in some work on a regular basis you will reap numerous rewards including greater intimacy and mutual understanding.
